Being Careful

Thanks merider for the encouragement. I love you so much. Today Walter called and mom talked to him but told him I wasn't around. I have to be careful at all times because I tend to keep people in my life that are toxic (good word?). I told Walt over a year ago that I would NEVER, EVER marry him. He is basically a nice person but not someone I want to marry. Honestly, I love being single. I'm hetero but I tend to have crappy (good word?) relationships with men. Now I know what you are thinking, merider. You are telling me to stop feeling sorry for people who do not have their own best interests in mind, much less mine. I agree. I offered to be his friend and I will speak to him but make it clear for the record that I don't not want to live with him in Florida and/or marry him. I had another guy from the past contact me last year (Steve P.) and I just kept ignoring his e-mails until he gave up and went away. He is a nice guy but again, I don't want to date or marry him. I mean I know that having a husband and kids is something I'm missing out on but I really do love being single. Don't you agree, merider? I don't have to worry about changing my body for someone other than me. I wear what I want. I go where I want without being questioned about my whereabouts or who I'm seeing. If I was madly in love with someone it might be worth it. Until then I have to be careful. I plan to spend time this weekend with Dad and Granny. I'm looking forward to the trip. Well, merider, hope you have a great weekend. Love you always. JT

depression, the ongoing struggle

Well, I haven't been around for awhile but like my title says I've been struggling with depression. I take Wellbutrin every day but it only works about 80% of the time. The rest of the day I'm trying to find purpose in my life. Today was a better day for me because I went to karate class and I really love the teacher. He makes jokes when the Soke (grand master) comes to observe class by saying things like, "act like you know what you are doing." He is very supportive and encourages all of the students. Basically I could go four times a week to class but it's a matter of motivating myself to go. One of the things I hate about having a mental condition is putting up with side effects from my meds. I usually get up at eight or nine in the morning and until I take my "uppers" (Provigil and Wellbutrin) I'm like a zombie. I'm trying to find ways to get going everyday like splashing cold water in my face when I first wake up. WW's continues to change. Another teacher is being trained for my class so even though I was getting used to the teacher who replaced the teacher who left a few weeks ago (complicated isn't it?), I will have again another teacher. My class has fallen from 35 members a week to 14 members this week plus four new members which means we have still lost another four members. I try to just go with the flow. I believe in WW's and I will continue to use the weight loss system for the rest of my life. How long I'll be able to work for them depends on what happens to my group. At least for now I still have my job. I'm also hoping to hear from a publisher I sent illustrated work to a few months ago. They take up to four months to answer and nest month will be the fourth month. They only contact you if they have an interest in your work. I can't fail for trying. I hope merider is doing well on her WW system. I'm glad she is having fun biking. She would make a great physical trainer or therapist. merider has a great personality and works well on her feet. I think my sister should try to act again because she is beautiful and talented and there are parts now for average looking people (not merider) and older people. merider isn't average looking and she isn't old but she is old enough to do parts like playing a mother in a family. Anyway, I hope everyone has a great week. I'm going to fight my depression by working out more (including karate) and writing. Today was a beautiful day. Thank goodness for every day we have. Hang in there, merider. Things have a way of working out. (Whether you want it to or not). JT

keep your faith

They say when it rains it pours and lately some bad things have happened but you have to have faith that things will turn around for the better. Where you derive your faith is your business but hopefully you can find it within yourself to believe good things can still happen. I read Cyclediva's blog and I hope you find the medications you need to relieve your headaches. I hope once you find the right doctor and meds, that you will be able to enjoy everyday including your bike rides with your hubby. Now, as for you merider, you don't need to constantly worry about getting a job. Relax. You have family to help you and if things work out, you will either find a good job or you may go back to school for awhile. Whenever you feel depressed, just imagine me there scratching your back and reminding you of how special you are. While you have so much time on your hands, keep biking and spend time with friends. You can watch a good movie or write. By the way, I would like to read your articles so let me know where to read them. You are a wonderful writer and terrific athlete. I couldn't imagine riding 10 miles much less 30 miles. I do, however, walk between 20 to 25 miles a week. I'm also going to either start jogging a few days in my neighborhood or at the Y. I was thinking about the neighborhood so I could enjoy the beautiful outdoors. Just so you know, a really good thing happened yesterday (see things can get better!). My new teacher at WW's, we will call her J., is wonderful. She helps me with any questions I have plus she helps me clean up afterwoods. St. couldn't stay after so not only did I have to put up everything after class, but I had to rush to make sure the paperwork is right. J. is also a wonderful teacher and positive person. I really like working with her. She didn't know why St. didn't say goodbye but evidently she quit all her classes but one. We don't know why. Also, my totals came out correct! I wasn't over or under, yeah!!! We had 35 people come to class. At one point I was sure my blood pressure was up. If we have just one more person come, I will have an additional receptionist to help us. We made almost $800 dollars and sold six passes for $99 dollars each. We also had four more members join. We only sold $12 dollars in products but that is better than nothing. I feel much better about WW's now. Another good thing is that Tippy is better today. On Sunday he was really sick but today he doesn't seem to be in pain and he is eating and drinking. We are taking him to the vet next Tuesday for a check up and a shave. Another good thing is that Grandma's sugery was a sucess and she is already working on getting better. I will say it again. Try to keep your faith that things can get better. Remember, what goes down eventually has nowhere to go but back up again. Have a great day, merider and Cyclediva! Fitness Tip: when you want to keep eating but you have eaten enough, take a brisk walk or drink a big glass of water or stay busy doing something so that your hungry can subside. Love you, guys! JT